Klamath Rises

Journal Entry 1

Chet Lemon

Right so, there is some spooky shit going on and I don’t know what to do. Ra is always written stuff in that little book of his so ..uhh me too.

So first there was the mummy. You know, old dried up dead guy just so happened to be on the roof. Fuck knows how or why it got there but Kevin and I, Kevin is my roomy, Kevin and I tell that Ivy chick that there is a mummy and she tells us to split. She will take care of the mummy and Flower girl who passed out at the sight of the previously mentioned mummy. But Nothing happens you know? All quiet on the Alder front. And now if you ask Ivy or Flower girl about the mummy they don’t know what your talking about. They ain’t lying. They. Do. Not. Know. They get that look on their face like I’m crazy. Trust me I know the look.

So this mummy laid some powerful mind juju on the girls but that’s not all man. Later that night there is this howly, earthquake and the red northern lights start drifting about in the sky. Doc tells me the Northern lights aren’t supposed to be this far south. Or you know, red. And then the lights come flowing down and settle all over the school but not on us in hemlock. Mind hodoo man. All the while some spooky fishermen are headed out to see to hunt the lock ness monster or something. I don’t know man, to much shit for one day. I woke up in bed…

Right so fast forward two weeks or so. I go to class, meet my teachers and stuff. Went to town with some other students for some groceries and had THE BEST pie, I brought some back for the inauguration-weekend potluck. Ordered a few things on amazon. Not much cityscape here so I’m going to learn slack-line walking. Got my teacher to help me grab some bees from some guys shed. I slapped the hive in the local garden, I’ll have to keep an eye on it since it’s winter. Found myself a field to contribute to, joined the disc-golf club. You know, pretty normal first few weeks at college aside from that first day. Right? Well unless you tried to stay up past midnight…

Well Friday the 13th wasn’t a fan of the return to normalcy man. So after a house meeting where Kennedy insists we have to talk about the curse of the mummy but refuses to believe in said mummy, I gather the boys and Kevin, Doc, New Guy and I head off to Willow. The Willow girls are having a Friday the 13th party and I am not going to miss that man. We say hey to Selby and break to mingle or whatever. New guy goes in way to deep and I find a circle to hang with. Anyway sometime after Kennedy shows up, Some of the Willow chicks and I remember it’s the full moon. I figure peckerwood is close by and we ought to go make a bunch of unnecessary noise. So here we are howling at the moon and fuckin wolves howl back. Like actual wolves man, I’ve heard them in Yellowstone. Now that’s some cool shit. As I’m going around telling everyone Doc finds me and makes me an offer I’m not going to refuse. The remainder of my night is suspect.

The way I remember it, I turned into a bear, like a figurative bear. Anyway, Kevin and I went to break into peckerwood to steal their picnic baskets and well, because their peckerwood. But while Kevin’s on the roof he sees Peckerwood shaving Docs corpse or something and freaks out, which you know, freaks me out as I am no longer of a stable mind this evening. We try to save doc but Peckerwood is like fort knox or some shit so we have to beat it. Docs alright turns out so… IDK Peckerwood has some weird fetish or something. Anyway new guy is regaining consciousness on a couch when we get back to willow and he tells Kevin about some ‘special apples’ they have upstairs. Now I didn’t think Kevin was into ‘special’ stuff because he wasn’t drinking or smoking or nothing, maybe dudes just real into fruit or something. We go upstairs to raid willows golden apples. Heh. Right so after Kevin drags me out of the sex room we find them.

The way I remember it, I turned into a bear, like a literal bear. Not only that but Kevin turns into a big feet. Now I’ve done a great many psychedelics. This wasn’t any fancy designed drug nonsense. We shape shifted. So like, wtf. We pop back into people shape and run off to show witnesses. It doesn’t work again, of course. I’ll tell you what it does do though. Embiggens the shit out of goats. Now, I was pretty stoned, had eaten some mushrooms, had literally shape-shifted, and probably ate a bit too much paint. This is my reasoning for riding said goat off into the night, I did not say it was good reasoning but you know what you say. When you grab a goat by the horns …uhh ride it? What can I say, wouldn’t you?

So the goat runs off and gets eaten by the loch ness monster or something and I am trying to explain this shit to Big Ben when peckerwood retaliates for our previous break in attempt and validations. They throw a rock monster at us… a fucking rock monster! Where do you even get a rock monster? It tries to eat my face then bites Kevin’s ass clean off. Kennedy and I bag the rock in a trashcan and New guy decides now’s a good time to clean up the rest of dinner and adds the leftover chili to the mix. I leave Kennedy to deal with Kevin and run to huck the monster into the river, maybe the loch ness monster will eat it too. Then I wake up in bed and Ra wrestled with a ghost or something and now it’s morning…

I don’t know what’s going on at this creepy ass school but it’s spooky as hell and I’m going to find out. Then maybe get some more magic bear apples and kick the shit out of the mummy.



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